Music and me...almost oxymoronic yet together

This is a post I wrote long back but did not publish. Its incomplete and I am not sure I want to complete it now... anyway here it is...

First, a disclaimer. I am not sure how many people will read this. For those who do, the words that follow could seem to be the blabber of semi-sane person. Yet, I felt I need to put my thoughts of a few years into words. So it may not be an enlightening experience when you finish reading this, although it should be worth one read, for most part.
Music, goes a long way for me. My earliest recollection of music is hearing the songs played by a person who stayed upstairs of my home in Trivandrum. The songs were mostly old Tamil songs, the Ilayaraja type or otherwise devotional. Once I played along with some songs on a small toy flute. I still remember those songs somewhere in the back of my mind; memories die hard especially when it's childhood memories.
Later I was not much into songs at all, just superficially listening to them only because they used to be played somewhere, either the television or radio. Then comes AR Rahman, sometime when I was of age 10 or something. The songs of the movies, Roja and Gentleman got me slightly interested, but still very superficial. I was intrigued by the bass in Chinna Chinna Asai and Kadhal Rojave and the beat of Chikku Bukku. But it was time when hardly knew what a guitar was for. I remember asking around for the use of this instrument which was present in every orchestra but was hardly heard. And ask I did, to every person remotely interested/related to music that I met. The answers I got, were in bits and pieces but over a period they started to make sense. Anyway that got me really started. Then came Minsara Kanavu, again from AR Rahman. But by this time, I was a more keen listener; meaning I heard more of the songs than I did earlier. More and more drawn towards the beats and bass, than the treble sounds. The synthesized sound tracks were good to analyze, for a pattern in the sounds. The more challenging the pattern the more fun it was. I ripped apart the parts of many songs in my mind, each giving more pleasure than the previous. Believe me, its fun. But to date I have not understood the first beat which fascinated me; there is definitely a pattern but it escapes my brain, each time. It was only Rahman for a long time, until started enjoying more melodious songs...